When I started this series this past week, well, the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The guest posts that I have already published, as well as the ones ready to go (one tomorrow; two more to be seen next week), are all taking different points of view on how they live and approach creativity. That is what this series is all about: how do you find, embrace and use your creativity.
I did receive one comment on here and a few from other sources that seem to not get point I was going for.
I apologize for that.
I am not saying that you should not take care of your family. I am saying that you should strive to find what you love and try to fit it into your life. It may not be the sole source of your economic structure. It may have absolutely nothing to do with economics. Yet, I have found, for myself, that when I made myself the least of my priorities, I was only hurting myself.
It does feel that when we take a look at security for our families we neglect what we need to do for ourselves. We should never do that! We should not have to wait until the children are grown, mortgages are paid for (if ever), and life that gets in the way happens. I also do feel that just jettisoning what you’re doing to make a living without a concrete plan is, often, foolish.
When I made the switch after 15 years of management, it had been years in coming. Yes, it was a huge risk. Did I suffer financially? At times: yes! Was still the best decision I’ve ever made? YES! While my bank book has never recovered, I also have never felt happier in what I’ve been doing.
Could I have phone fallen on my face? Of course. That’s what risks means. Did my family suffer for this? We cut back on things, saw what was necessary that I should have my life or not. Concessions had to be made. I thought to myself: do my children want me working 60+ hours a week, being miserable or feeling miserable and stressed out, or, having more time to spend with them and feeling fulfilled and content?
For me, I had to do what I did.I AM fulfilled, content and happy with what am doing.
You should do what you have to do for yourself and your family, but we should never neglect what you need for yourself, even in the smallest way.
While I was working at my job, I did a number of shows at night (I performed with a Gilbert and Sullivan production company in NYC), eventually leaving that and joining, and eventuality co-running, a weekly improvisation class. These things satisfied my creative itch for a while. They also helped me to move on to what has proven to be my life work. It was a formative period. It did not happen overnight. It was not done on a whim. It was a big chance and I took it.
Take chances in your life. I really cannot stress more that just settle. Stretch. Look for new things. Satisfy your itch.
SO… WHAT IS YOUR LIFE WORK/PASSION?
Please take care of your family and commitments. But… Please take care of yourself as well. Do what you love. Find a way to fit it into your life. Don’t put it off because you absolutely no idea what the future is going to bring you.
Nov 10, 2011 @ 10:09:19
Personally (if this helps anyone take a risk), when I was growing up my father was struggling as a pencil artist, doing portraits for people. It was neat to watch him draw and all, but there wasn’t a lot of food in the cupboards and new toys weren’t always readily available. I never worried about that stuff though, because what I craved most was my father’s attention. I think if parents can give time to their children they can have a lot more room to go after their dreams. Kids are amazingly adaptable and don’t need the finer things to get by like most adults do. So sometimes it’s appropriate to put aside “getting ahead” for “being happy”. So if you’re happy doing what you love, and your children are happy because they have you, the money is a lot less important. Pay the lights and the rent and go for it. Just looking back on my own life that’s how I feel.
Nov 10, 2011 @ 10:28:33
Thank you JR. Nicely said.
Nov 10, 2011 @ 11:34:06
This was a great post, not only because it validates the changes that I’ve recently made in my life to accommodate my writing, but because it’s the truth.
Nice;)
Nov 10, 2011 @ 16:54:29
Thank you, Leah. Glad it is a validation for you. We all need that.
Nov 10, 2011 @ 12:03:10
I have been lucky enough to have done what I wanted for most of my life (professionally). OK, I probably would still be teaching, but the politics were overwhelming- and I had hoped to retire as a professor (who knew the banks would ruin the economy rendering this problematic).
There were two rules I followed to insure my children would never be shortchanged. 1. They come first on weekends. No matter what. I rarely have worked on a weekend, leaving that time for them to choose what we do. 2. Make sure my children know they are loved each and every day of their lives.
Trust me- I work hard- and generally long hours. For about 5 years, I commuted- from Charlottesville (VA) to Long Beach (CA), coming back to spend weekends and 2 nights a week with my kids.
Don’t give up on your dreams- work your dreams to fit your life.
Oh- and the biggest prize was when my son (the youngest of the bunch) wrote a paper in 3rd grade, when HE was studying da Vinci, that he knows what a Renaissance Man is- it’s his dad. Yes, I still have that document.
Nov 10, 2011 @ 16:53:28
Lovely, Roy.
Nov 11, 2011 @ 01:46:24
My dad died when I was twenty-three. He said to me not but two years before this that ‘someday I’m going to buy that boat.’ Now he was financially capable of buying the boat, but his work hours were such that he just never got around to it. It was always a someday.
Well, do what you have to do in life, but buy the danged boat everyone. Whatever that is for you. Make someday…today, as soon as you can.
Lovely post Stuart. As always.
Nov 11, 2011 @ 07:18:52
Thank you, Maureen. This waiting for happiness thing, total sacrifices….why? we sometimes hold onto what can be expunged ;now.
Sorry your Dad did not get his boat.
He did get YOU, a great daughter, n’est pas?
Nov 11, 2011 @ 16:34:00
Good for you, Stuart, that you followed your dream despite the sacrifices you and your family had to make. I gather that the rewards have more than compensated for giving up those 60+ working hours and a secure paycheck.
I have to agree – and disagree with this premise. While my kids were young, no way I could give up work. Quite the reverse. I had to concentrate on my career and work to support them and provide the security they needed, and give up on my dreams to be a published writer.
However, once my career ended and with my kids grown up, I rediscovered the joy of writing. My lifestyle dropped from secure to precarious to living on the edge, but it hasn’t mattered, (though sometimes, my freelance work interferes as I have to survive). In retrospect, I can’t regret my decision to fulfill my obligations as a parent, especially since neither of my parents were able to fulfill theirs for me.
Nov 11, 2011 @ 17:24:59
Penelope, glad you are “back”. As I said above- find a way to do some of it instead of just waiting. I’m glad you did what you had to. My choice was mine, and it did allow for some tough times.
Nov 22, 2011 @ 11:26:08
Thank you for this wonderful post.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m losing out by keeping my job, juggling a lot of different things as and when I can. I’ve thought a lot about quitting my job to do all these creative stuff and it’s somewhere in the plan – just not sure how or when yet.
It’s comforting to be reminded that other people took a long time to get there too and I’m not the tortoise who’s always left behind!
Nov 22, 2011 @ 17:50:45
The only time it’s too late is when you are no more, imho. Thanks Anna